[Read] ➻ 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy ➸ Leslie Langtry – Peakpopa.info
This book was available through Kindle as a free download, so I decided to give it a try I found the plot interesting enough to read the whole thing, but as a whole, it was fairly grating It s a nice book to read as filler between better books, or when taking a long trip, but that s about it Apparently, it s part of a series, but I don t care enough to go beyond this one What aggravated me the most was the lack of conviction of the narrator when describing her routine as an assassin She s meant to be a thirty nine year old woman who has been trained to kill since age five in a family that s been doing this for thousands of years, yet she seems incapable of explaining her thoughts without stopping and making corny jokes about how HILARIOUZZZ it all is that she has to think this way at all An example of this is when she s thinking about her own daughter s induction into the family business Ooooh, I hoped she would get the new, tricked out Remington with laser sites What It wasn t different from first communion, a bat mitzvah or quinceanera Right Oh, you re so edgy Please remind the reader of this fact about twenty times when describing your life as a mother assassin Straight narration without the side wink would be way too hard for us to understand Another example of her amazing dialog I guess we just see who shows up and He gave a dramatic pause a la Christopher Walken, who doesn t Insert creepy, dun, dun, dun, music here Really Really The other bit I had a hard time swallowing was her relationship with a man she meets in a bookstore The book only covers about a month in this woman s life, and without being spoilery, I ll just say that their relationship is way too unbelievable to swallow It almost borders on Edward Bella territory Anyway, as written before, it s a decent enough fluff novel, but go with the free download or a library rental if you re gonna do it Save your money for something that s actually well written. Enjoyable but very, very, very, predictable I knew that she and Diego would fall in love regardless of her profession clashing with his I knew that her brother wasn t really responsible for betraying family secrets I knew that the author was making us hate Ritchie for a reason so that we wouldn t mind when he became the bad guy and had to be taken out I even knew that Diego would come back to save the day at the end regardless of his fight with Gin I did try to maintain high hopes I hoped that Diego might turn out to be a bad guy himself, kinda like Mr and Mrs Smith I hoped that while Dak was innocent Liv might turn out to be guilty of framing him to protect her own brother I hoped that Ritchie hateful, disgusting Ritchie would be the one to save the day in his own bungling way I even hoped that the Council would find out that she had told Liv and do something about it to prove a point I hoped that something out of the ordinary would happen to make the book just a little less predictable Instead the main character caught the evil, bad guy that she hated, got the love of her life in spite of having killed his client and lied to him, the mean old PTA lady stopped talking to her, and the Council even let her retire 14 years early so that she could be happy with her daughter and lover turned husband The council was even taken out by electronic thingamabobs inside their brains that electrocuted them Huh It was almost like an Austin Powers movie what with the predictability, obviously evil bad guys, and cheesy lines jokes puns And yet And yet I would still read the next book in the series I wouldn t mind reading about Dakota starring in his own romance and at the same time getting small glimpses of Gin and her new, perfect family through his eyes Something tells me that he will have exactly the same voice as his sister, but I will just have to read it knowing that the whole thing will be easy to figure out and that a brother just so happens to think in exactly the same way as his sister Because even though it was trashy and predictable, it was also fun Kinda like Cadbury chocolate versus Hersheys Sometimes you can enjoy a Hershey bar even when you know that something better is out there Cause, it s still chocolate YOU CAN T PICK YOUR FAMILYDeath By Chocolate Is Her Favorite Dessert And Those Knitting Needles Aren T Just For Craft Projects To Most People, Gin Bombay Is An Ordinary Single Mom Then Again, They Don T Know She S From A Family Of Top Secret Assassins Somewhere Between Leading A Girl Scout Troop For Her Kindergartner Would Nooses Count For A Knot Badge And Keeping Their Puppy From Destroying The Furniture, Gin Now Has To Take Out A New Target BUT YOU CAN PICK THEM OFFExcept This Target Has An Incredibly Hot Australian Bodyguard Who Knows Just How To Make Her Weak In The Knees But With A Mole Threatening To Expose Everything, Gin Doesn T Have Much Time To Let Her Hormones Do The Happy Dance She S Got To Find The Leak And Clear Her Assignmentor She Ll End Up Next On The Bombay Family Hit List I m really surprised by the number of good reviews this book has gotten I was only maybe two or three pages in when I realized that the writing style was going to be a complete train wreck to the very end Imagine my horror when I discovered the author shares my zip code she s not making us look very good here in Iowa and I can t help but be a little embarrassed for her.I tore through this book in hours because the reading level was equal to that of a story written for a 6th grader Everything was stated plainly with straightforward sentences that didn t leave anything to the imagination This alone wouldn t have been all that damaging it is a romance novel after all and I don t expect too much from those but add to that the random thoughts of the narrator that serve no other purpose than to make her sound like a complete moron and the writing style just became grating Such as She spread her withering gaze like a thick layer of rancid mayonnaise Hey That kinda rhymes Even worse are the cheesy insertions every time the hunky male is around that make the leading lady appear to be incapable of thinking of anything other than sex in his presence Such comments didn t add to the romance part of the novel so much as it contributed to the development of this character into a pathetic puddle of a woman For example Italian food Did he know that was the way to my bedI mean heart Great See you then To be fair, I m not a romance novel kind of girl I was tricked into reading this book because it was in the mystery section instead of the romance section I liked the sound of the title and the synopsis lead me to believe the story would be interesting, and it was Unfortunately, there were many flaws that made the story unbelievably unbelievable The references to science and gadgetry were outlandish, the romance was predictable, the mystery short lived and the explanations of potential plot holes were weak at best Overall, I probably wouldn t recommend this book to a friend, I definitely won t read it again and it s doubtful that I ll ever read anything by this author again The only reason I even finished this one is the hope I held onto that the story s potential would be realized I was disappointed. This was one of the funiest books I have ever read I couldn t put it down and couldn t stop laughing It was a quick read for me about 3 4 hours but totally worth it I can t wait to readfrom Ms Langtry and her location based Bombay Assassins Amazing Read Normally I wantwith the couples within books but with the Bombay s I wantedfamily time LOL One of the best families in all the books I have read. I LOVED this book It was hilarious, I think this is one of the first books that I was literally laughing out loud and people would look at me weird Virgina Ginny Bombay is your typical, average, widowed mother of a five year old daughter named Romi She is always there to pick up her daughter from school, buys cookies from the bakery to have her daughter take them to school her archnemisis told her to hand make them this time , spends time with her cousin Liz and Paris as well as her brother Dak, oh and during her down time she just happened to make the occasional assassination here or there Her life was going great until she gets a family reunion in the mail, with the entire family being assassins, reunions are NOT a good thing At the same time this happens, she meets a bodyguard named Diego, and falls instantly head over heels for him Can Ginny fit in love while dealing with her family reunion problems, being the leader of a Daisy Troupe recruited reluctantly by her archenmisis , and her assassination assignments We all read different kinds of books depending on mood, school, time of day, etc Sometimes something light is required This series fits the bill.Virginia all the family members are named after cities or geographic locations is a member of the Bombay family whose tradition and business is they are assassins All independently wealthy thanks to the family trust fund, each receives assignments from the Council made up of senior family members Part of the family reunions, normally held every five years is to eliminate someone in the family who has failed some assignment and to initiate children just turning five into their new responsibilities Each member develops a specialty Poison was my specialty Everyone in the family had a favorite way of killing people, even though we were required to cross train With my brother, it was asphyxiation and or strangulation And while I should probably worry about that, it made us a good team because we both liked to make each job resemble death by natural cause Of course, occasionally we ran out of time and had to leave the scene of the crime with a plastic bag still on the victim s head, but that happened only once when I d been running late from picking up Romi from preschoolHeld on their own private island, they have to go inside buildings every day at 4 p.m to avoid passing satellite surveillance This invitation is unusual in that it comes just one year after the last Refusing is not an optionAs I stroked the creamy vellum paper, for a brief moment I thought about sending my regrets But only for a moment After all, it wasn t an option on the R.S.V.P card Unlike most family reunions with sack races, bad weather and crappy T shirts, where to refuse to go only meant you weren t in the ridiculous all family photo, to turn down this invitation was death That s right Death Any blooded member of the family who didn t show was terminated Now, where had I put that goddamned pen It appears a mole has wormed his way into the family, it s a male member of the family is all that s known and Virginia has been assigned the task of eliminating the threat Things get complicated when she falls in love with a bodyguard for a man she has been assigned to take out But enough plot Just plain fun. There s a scene in this book in which the heroine is so awestruck by the handsome man who sits down at her Borders coffee corner table that she ends up sprinkling salt in her latte.That scene could serve as a metaphor for the entire book, which is an astonishing and unlikely mix of funny, fast paced, chick lit set against a totally off the wall background that could have come directly from a superhero comic.Ginny Bombay is a widowed mother of a cute daughter She s also a member of a family that has specialised in assassination for thousands of years, each child being initiated at the age of five, trained in the lethal arts, and obliged to make their first hit at fifteen.Two story lines intertwine Ginny s infatuation with Diego, the professional bodyguard she met in Borders, and her involvement with her family affairs The two story lines come together and sour Ginny s relationship with Diego, but all ends well.The ancient family of secret assassins provided both tension and comedy, but despite a total suspension of disbelief, one story element was too much to swallow For a professional assassin who takes meticulous care in all her hits, and is aware of the penalty of prompt execution for any infringement of the family code, Ginny immediately blabs top secret information to her sister and then to most of her relatives, presumably putting all of them at risk of sudden death.This incongruity dropped my rating from five to four Otherwise Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy is a marvellous tongue in cheek romp with a delightfully ebullient middle aged protagonist.Interesting that Ms Langtry like several other authors chose a title that puns on the mondegreen version of Jimi Hendrix s lyric, not the original But then once the mondegreen went viral, even Jimi began to sing the incorrect version I saw him do so live, which just goes to show my age So what s wrong with being a geriatric hippy, huh YOU CAN T PICK YOUR FAMILY In Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy, the main character Virginia Gin Bombay belongs to a family of assassins In the Bombay family there is no leaving the family business unless you want to die BUT YOU CAN PICK THEM OFF A family meeting is called and usually this only takes place if one of the family members is in big trouble, like they betrayed the family kind of trouble, and that usually means one of the other family members will be chosen to carry out the assassination Yeah, real warm and fuzzy family we have hereI went into this book hoping that it was truly laugh out loud funny, maybe like Mr and Mrs Smith was funny, especially after she meets a guy who claims to be a bodyguard, which is what she uses as her cover There was so much potential there He could have been secretly working against her or something, but unfortunately that wasn t the case With the exception of one paragraph about Chia Pets with supersonic listening devices, this book didn t make me laugh at all I know I was supposed to find the main character s inner monologue about the hot guy she had just started dating funny but to me it was just cheesy and the insta love thing ugh I was probably also supposed to laugh at the first names of the whole Bombay family in which every one of them is named after a place, like Uncle Lou whose name is Louisiana who would do that to a guy , or cousin Missi That s short for Mississippi in case you couldn t figure that out The whole name thing might have started out mildly amusing, but it got old and repetitive after a while, which resulted in me rolling my eyes every time a new relative was named.However, my biggest problem with this book beyond it not being funny was the fact that the Bombays were all forced to start training to become assassins at the age of 5 and Gin s daughter is now turning 5 If there was anything funny about this book, it would have been trumped by this as I just couldn t stand the thought of training 5 year olds to be killers and there was no way the book could make this seem ok to me Also Gin suddenly realizes her daughter is turning 5 and kind of freaks out about it because, oh my goodness she forgot her daughter was going to have to start her assassin training I m pretty sure that any real mother would have been thinking about that for years.So overall this was a letdown and it seems I m still looking for a really funny, lighthearted mystery This is a series but I will not be continuing with it.Review also posted at Writings of a Reader I read this because the author offered a free download of it, and while the tone was fun my favorite moment was a mention of setting up an assassin training room for five year old girls with a Disney princess theme , the humor was far too much about gags and set ups It s supposed to be a light hearted romp, I know, but the shallowness and the plot holes made me feel like I was wasting my time I love light entertainment, but I still require logical sense, and I couldn t buy into the concept of the book if there was so little evidence to suggest that the protagonist was capable of being a competent assassin The romance was tepid Characters reacted blandly and without uniqueness, and they seemed to service the straight forward plot rather than act out of any actually motivations or desires It was a two dimensional story that remained that way throughout.Additionally, the use of mentally retarded as a pejorative and referring to transsexual as gender challenged made this an unfriendly read.