[Ebook] ➯ Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape ➮ Jaclyn Friedman – Peakpopa.info

Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape My biggest problem with this book is that a lot of the essays don t really push into the visions promised by the title they re to a large extent descriptions of what the authors have experienced This is obviously valuable, but I guess I expected a bitgiven the title and the wide availability of many different people s experiences on the internet that this to a certain extent replicates Also, only a few essays linked the problems described to causes past a nebulous culture and to things like capitalism This isn t to say the book is bad The vast majority of essays are good and a couple are great I think this would be an excellent introduction to the topic and I do think it s worth a read some of the stuff here made me thinkeven though I ve been engaging with these ideas for a while I ll mention one of the early essays though that stood out as particularly bad It talks about women in jobs where they re treated pretty much as sexual objects Yet it didn t mention the economic conditions that force them there and even though it quoted a model who talked about the ways in which her job was empowering or at least less degrading than assumed it didn t engage at all Her final conclusion, as a self described young professional in New York , was that all these people should quit their jobs Incredible.The stand out essay of the collection is The Not Rape Epidemic by Latoya Peterson I read it on the internet before I found the book and it s an absolutely harrowing, deeply affecting essay that actually made me sit up and take note of how incredibly fucked up our rape culture is I was numb for several hours I recommend reading it if you can deal with it It s incredible.http www.racialicious.com 2008 12 2 A rather problematic book which has become something of a bible for neoliberal feminists Here s an excerpt from my review Yes Means Yes rests at the nexus of two ideological points One is a liberal feminism so battered by decades of right wing sexism that it spends all its energy reacting to the same instead of questioning how it might have become part of the problem The other is a burgeoning domestic violence rape counseling industrial complex compelled to paint its clients solely as pathetic victims in order to get funding The one supplies the earnest foot soldiers for the other Many of the writers work in women oriented non profits, but very few see the pitfalls of their work An exception, Chicagoan Lee Riggs, writes of leaving rape crisis work because she felt drained within a framework that positioned the criminal legal system as the primary remedy for sexual violence You can read the rest of my review here Read this book No, really Read This Book.I can t tell you how much the essays in this collection made me rethink my perspective on female sexuality, rape culture, what it means to be a woman in America right now, and many other topics These essays are eye openers, embracing not only a sex positive look at female sexuality but also a perspective that views all forms of sexual pain as legitimate injuries The essayists go beyond the question of was there rape and did she say no and look instead at how the culture accepts heterosexual experiences where the woman experiences just a little or no pleasure as ordinary and acceptable These essays challenge us to raise our expectations of sex and not to accept the misogyny and anti woman behavior that is so prevalent in our society.The book also spans quite an array of topics There are essays from the perspective of women of color, sex workers, and a MTF transsexual There are essays on the problems faced by female immigrants, poor women, young women, and drug users Some essays explore the purity myth, while others look at incest or homophobia There s something for everyone, but I would strongly recommend this book to all women, no matter whether you consider yourself a feminist or whether you ve ever really thought about rape culture before It s an eye opening experience. Connections The Apostate and Professor What If reviewYes Means Yes Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without RapeThe Apostate My initial reaction when I heard about the anthology was mixed It seemed that the problem of rape was being used for a catchy slogan s sake the catchy slogan being a play on the anti rape no means no rule , and not because it made any real sense I wasn t sure where you could go with that connecting sexuality with rape culture in a way that was meaningful for actual cultural change and impact on women s lives.Professor What If The introduction notes that the book intends to offer a frank and in depth conversation about forward thinking ways to battle rape culture, and the book truly does contain many frank, in depth conversations that formulate ways to rethink not only preventing rape, but also re shaping the way we approach sex and sexuality While the reasons behind the book are laudable, I find the claim that valuing female sexual pleasure will stop rape the book puts forward a bit too simplistic Although the book nods to the complex socio cultural factors that perpetuate rape culture, it stops short of really grappling with how rape is a by product of our patriarchal, militarized, commodified world I do think this is a very important book that makes crucial contributions to re thinking sexuality, but it is only part of a much needed conversation we need to have both in books and in blogs about eradicating rape culture.The Apostate I think rape culture should have been expounded uponI don t think people understand the difference between rape and rape culture, and that wasn t really addressed, which gave rise to some of the confusion around why anyone thought Yes Means Yes would stop rape the writers didn t think it would They just want to dismantle rape culture, which is a bigger andamorphous thing than the specific crime of rape, even if rape takes place within the context of rape culture.Professor What If I was impressed with the broad coverage of the book and the diversity of voices I especially appreciated those pieces that emphasized anti rape activism must include teaching men not to rape and helping men to recognize rape Jill Filipovic s piece, for example, was very effective in examining the social cultural contexts of rape culture and the need to include men in anti rape activism and education I also liked the inclusion of queer, male, fat, sex work, and BDSM perspectives.The Apostate My favorite essay was Thomas MacAuley Millar s It really dismantled the perceptions of sex as something that is done to you, as a woman, rather than something you enthusiastically participate in That is not a concept enough people understand and although I get it, I have never seen it articulated so well as Millar did His essay was beautifully written, cogent, with a great metaphor about sex as music The commodity model of sex is one of the biggest hurdles women face, if they act like they are free to pursue their pleasure People don t think their pleasure is really part of the picture at all, since women are the object, not the subject And another thing I had never realized how no means no continues to frame the sex as between a predator and prey, as Julia Serano defined the terms.Professor What If Many of the authors argued against the power over dynamic that shapes our thinking about sexuality by emphasizing mutual consent, doing away with the competition model of sex, ensuring certain partners namely women are not objectified dehumanized, etc I think this re thinking of the power dynamics in relation to sex sexuality are crucial However, they must also be addressed in relation to those politics of domination that shape our society patriarchy, capitalism, sexism, racism Also, I wonder about the subtitle visions of female sexual power Do we really want to rethink sexuality in terms of power Doesn t this go against the mutual consent pleasure model the book upholds The Apostate The emphasis on sexual assault and personal stories of pain and damage around that got overwhelming in the second half of the book The joy of enthusiastically consenting sex got lost in there I think that focusing on how rape and sexual assault affect women s lives is very important, especially as so much of this reality is not captured in statistics or on the news, but perhaps sex as pain should not have predominated quite as much.Professor What If I think an analysis of rape in same sex or non heterosexual relationships is missing In keeping with this notion, the book frames women as rape victims, not covering boys and men as also victims survivors of rape For example, as rape within systems like the Catholic Church and public schools is prevalent, this seems a key omission How could the rape culture condoned by religious establishments or the military be addressed via the yes means yes paradigm In ways, the book leaves out the institutionalized aspect of rape and focuses on individual rape scripts In so doing, it doesn t fully examine those social structures and institutions that shape sexuality and perpetuate rape culture the family, the church, the law, the military, etc.The Apostate The overall feel I got from the book was very alternative It was very citified, and very margins of society, written by people we don t hear from on a daily basis in mainstream coverage Those voices are all thecrucial for being so marginalized, and also because it is on the margins of society that the worst abuses happen That said, I think it lacked a certain degree of balance I did think it covered a wide range of issues and perspectives except for married, heterosexual, middle class sexuality and the sexuality of older people The only reason I would have liked to see that balance is to normalize these issues for the mainstream so much of this sort of thing is hidden, under wraps, and allowing only the margins to speak out about it gives the deceptive impression that the problem of rape culture is not the problem of all women which it most certainly is.Professor What If I love blogs and blogging, but books are not blogs Rather than trying to make the two mediums the same, I think we should value each medium print v online in its own right I found the hyper link structure did not translate well into print format Further, in keeping with the blog format of the book, many of the pieces were written in the less formal, talky style of blogs Javacia Harris, for example, writes Don t get me wrong I m certainly not anti sexy I ve been to my fair share of striptease aerobics classes This style seems too light for the aims outlined in the introduction and this style allows comments like these to be tossed out with no analysis of the wider cultural contexts that defines normative notions of sexy and results in the very existence of striptease aerobics classes in the first place.Too often the attitude that framed the arguments in the book is that any choice is ok as long as you know why you re making it This sexual empowering choices model is too simplistic This is partly due to choosing a blog style for the book a style that makes the book seem a bit too light given the subject matter at hand While blogs work in a conversational, of the minute style, books allow forthoughtful, hard hitting, heavily researched writing Both have their merits, but trying to write a book that functions like a blog makes me wonder about the purpose of going the print publication route if one is not going to take advantage of a book format and go into deeper analysis research , stick to a blog and indeed, the editors have a blog of the same name now up and running.The Apostate I also thought the hyper link theme was a little redundant I liked the idea to begin with, but I ended up skipping the lists at the end of each essay and just read linearly I did glance at a few and thought they didn t always make sense they tended to include a quarter of the book each time, after every essay A thematic unity among pieces kind of fell into one s head automatically, so I didn t see the necessity of that As for the authors being mostly bloggers and part of the blogging community, I do think that it was perhaps a little insular and self referential For someone outside that community of bloggers, perhaps a lot of this stuff would be very new some context is missing and some pieces arebewildering than others But overall, the hyper linking style is easily ignored and doesn t detract, even if it doesn t add.Professor What If I think examining the many factors that contribute to rape culture is helpful in addressing the pervasiveness of sexual violence However, I still found there was a bit too much emphasis on what females do do not do The introduction notes that often what is missing in analyses of rape is the rapist This book, with its focus on yes and on female s owning their sexuality also under analyzes rapists, instead focusing on women s need to familiarize themselves with enthusiastic consent In a strange way, the book thus keeps the onus of changing rape culture squarely on women s shoulders Many of the solutions seem a bit too individualized as if becoming sexually empowered and educated will be enough to stop rape or at least stop it from happening to oneself While many of the texts offer useful, concrete suggestions to move towards a world without rape, I thinkanalysis of how the politics of domination upheld within patriarchy, capitalism, and militarism all which profoundly shape our world was needed Also, we need to examine how intertwined violence and sexuality are in contemporary society violence is so pervasive that it cannot be extracted from sex sexuality All of the enthusiastic yes s in the world won t change this.The Apostate A lot of issues being talked about are really not discussed in our society and they need to be And I was totally won over by the thesis of the book that a woman s right and enthusiastic consent to sex were central to how sex and sexual violence are perceived I m really glad to see a somewhat mainstream book about women s experiences and hopes for a positive, enthusiastic, feminist ideal that also includes women as sexual creatures horny, lusty, and slutty Jaclyn Friedman s essay about overt sexuality really spoke to me on that front.Professor What If I think the book is a really good first step towards re thinking rape culture I think, like Valenti s other books, it will speak to many young feminists However, being the theory loving academic that I am, I found myself writing in the margins comments such as, But where is the theory For that reason, I really liked Lee Jacobs Riggs account of our sex negative culture and the ways she also addressed the prisons the criminal legal system and other oppressive systems I would have likedhard hitting pieces like the ones by Coco Fusco and Miriam Zoila Perez which were my favorites Too often elsewhere, I came across the word probably being used to assess information In the end, I also found the attack on second wavers off putting Why does this have to be one of the defining characteristics of third wave texts We need to get over the feminist blame game No one wave has all the answers, and I think sometimes third wave feminism fails to address it s own shortcomings.Review by The Apostate and Professor What If This is one of the most exciting, stimulating, and intelligent books I ve ever read I had so many f ck yeah moments reading it I d recommend it to every woman and to every man who wants to know what makes us tick. I enjoyed this book as much as I enjoy Feminist literature, but it isn t the best Several of the essays seem to draw on forever, but others are simply incredible Perhaps my favorite essay, Hooking Up with Healthy Sexuality The Lessons Boys Learn and Don t Learn About Sexuality, and Why a Sex Positive Rape Prevention Paradigm Can Benefit Everyone Involved, was written by Brad Perry I enjoy reading about rape, sex, and gender relations form a male perspective because I am bombarded with the female feminist perspective Perry argues that he had unrealistic expectations of sex and the game, which is of course the only way men can obtain sex Perry explains that as he evolves as a person he develops a better understanding of sex and rape He then moves onto abstinence only education, which was entertaining as always.Another awesome essay, The Not Rape Epidemic, written by Latoya Peterson This essay expressed the dangers in our culture of the non rapes These experiences permeate many people who recognize that it wasn t rape, and thus he she is lucky, and should just deal with it Peterson detailed experiences not only of her own, but of many of her friends She goes onto say that in retrospect one can identify what had happened, but at the time he she is just so thankful that it wasn t worse that reporting or even speaking about it aloud didn t register Only until after it was too late for others did she personally think that she should have said something. I liked this book quite a lot, as evidenced by the rating I gave it I do recommend it I thought it was a really thought provoking, thoughtful collection of ideas and topics But none of that is what I want to talk about here What I want to talk about is what I didn t like about it, which, for me, overshadowed everything I did like.First off, let me say sex positivity is great Enthusiastic consent is great Better sex education is great It s all great, and all something we should work toward and fight for But it upsets me how often people discussing that everyone should have as much sex as they like fail to even mention that having no sex at all is also a valid option Hardly anyone ever bothers to flip that coin over and talk about the other side That other side exists That other side, speaking personally, is pretty damn sick of not getting a seat in the conversation That other side just wants to be counted, included, acknowledged Given how hard it is to realize you re asexual or aromantic in this oversexualized, romantic idealized world, it makes me grind my teeth to see people who supposedly know a lot about this subject leaving it out What they aren t saying is so loud between the lines of what they are saying that it makes it difficult for me to pay attention to what they are saying It s very hard for me to think about all the good points these writers are making when I m being irritated at being left out once again And ignoring asexuality diminished everything else in this book In a way, it ruined it for me It poisoned it And it didn t have to be that way, which is probably the most frustrating part.In one of the essays Shame is the First Betrayer by Toni Amato , the author listed the A in LGBTQIA as standing for allies Reading that, that vile exclusion that feels to me like it could only be intentional, my head physically reared back like I d been slapped I felt it in my chest, having my identity ripped out of the conversation I considered stopping reading this book then and there, and I had to set it down for a few days before I felt better enough about it to go on And it s not fair to hold the other authors who contributed to this book accountable for the shameful, harmful ignorance of one, but it s certainly not fair to be cut out of this Particularly when aces are already cut out of so much so often, and spend so much time with our identity under siege, and it s hard for me not to feel that these authors should know better They should know better They should do better This is the second book in a month that I was reading and really enjoying that was ruined for me by people s disgusting ignorance and exclusion Should you be interested, the other one was Pro Reclaiming Abortion Rights by Katha Pollitt, who seems to believe that people who don t get to have sex are unlucky Thanks, once , for ignoring me And it wasn t just that one essay Several other essays were riddled with little digs at aces one went so far as to utter that dreary cliche of sexual desire and sex being natural human urges experiences Cool Sure Love being told my experiences don t count I don t really have anything else to add here except that no one can rightly have this vital and necessary conversation about sex and sexual desire without including EVERY part of the topic If your so called progress is harming a group of people, if it isn t progress for everyone, what is the point We all need to do better I am so tired of this and I am so unwilling to settle for this sub par, exclusionary discussion Get it together, people, and do the fuck better. RAGE OF CONSENTVeronica I ArreolaReview of Yes Means Yes Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without RapeEdited by Jaclyn Friedman and Jessica ValentiSeal PressUtopian novels have grappled with the idea of a world without rape, but what would the path to that world look like The controversial essays that make up Yes Means Yeslight the way along this very rough road and, not surprisingly, offer no easy solutions.The book itself was conceived in controversy A report on Women s eNews about underage women who risked rape by frequenting party bars generated an explosion in the blogosphere The onus should be on the rapist, furious critics wrote, not on the women who are raped Feminist activists Jaclyn Friedman and Jessica Valenti responded by asking writers for submissions for Yes Means Yes , which they promised would fly in the face of the conventional feminist wisdom that rape has nothing to do with sex They wanted essays that would offer a frank and in depth conversation about forward thinking ways to battle the rape culture, and hoped contributors would help readers imagine a world where women enjoy sex on their own terms and aren t shamed for it where men treat their sexual partners as collaborators, not conquests and where rape is rare and swiftly punished The enthusiastic response resulted in an anthology that moves the concept of consent and positive female sexuality to a new level Its essayists ask why our society doesn t teach its girls how to find pleasure, why women don t define for themselves the meaning of virginity and why those who are assaulted by friends or acquaintances often refuse to label the experience as rape, thus removing most responsibility from the man.The authors in this collection speak with authority and, unfortunately for some, from personal experience Bitch magazine founder Lisa Jervis and Racialicious.com editor Latoya Peterson explore the guilt women feel after they are violated Cristina Meztli Tzintzun outs herself as a feminist who took years to leave an abusive relationship and hopes she can give others the courage to admit that even radical, kick ass feminists who know better can have a hard time breaking the cycle of violence Fat acceptance blogger Kate Harding argues that society sells the idea that rape should be considered a compliment to fat or ugly women We learn that women s acquiescence, silence and shame allow rapists to get away with the sexual intimidation that Peterson labels not rape We re told that date rape has a new moniker gray rape which rape apologists blame on miscommunication or crossed signals or even gasp feminism because feminism has promoted women s sexual freedom It speaks volumes that in the 21st century we still need this anthology to explain whose fault it is when a young woman who agrees to make out with her boyfriend ends up raped VERONICA I ARREOLA is director of the University of Illinois at ChicagoWomen in Science and Engineering Program by day and a feminist mommyblogger at vivalafeminista.com by night. A really powerful read This book attempts to refute the notion that sex is something that happens to women that they are conquests, not participants It s also about how women enjoy sex as much as men and shouldn t be shamed for it. In This Groundbreaking New Look At Rape Edited By Writer And Activist Jaclyn Friedman And Full Frontal Feminism And He S A Stud, She S A Slut Author Jessica Valenti, The Way We View Rape In Our Culture Is Finally Dismantled And Replaced With A Genuine Understanding And Respect For Female Sexual Pleasure Feminist, Political, And Activist Writers Alike Will Present Their Ideas For A Paradigm Shift From The No Means No Model An Approach That While Necessary For Where We Were In , Needs An Overhaul Today Yes Means Yes Will Bring To The Table A Dazzling Variety Of Perspectives And Experiences Focused On The Theory That Educating All People To Value Female Sexuality And Pleasure Leads To Viewing Women Differently, And Ending Rape Yes Means Yes Aims To Have Radical And Far Reaching Effects From Teaching Men To Treat Women As Collaborators And Not Conquests, Encouraging Men And Women That Women Can Enjoy Sex Instead Of Being Shamed For It, And Ultimately, That Our Children Can Inherit A World Where Rape Is Rare And Swiftly Punished With Commentary On Public Sex Education, Pornography, Mass Media, Yes Means Yes Is A Powerful And Revolutionary Anthology

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